1. Your eyes roll at your mate. It’s a “painfully obvious sign of contempt,” writes Tara Parker-Pope in her latest book The Science of Marriage Studies have shown it’s a powerful predictor of a troubled relationship, worse even than raising your voice.
2. When an adulterous craving pops up — as you’re talking with a flirty stranger in a pub, for example — consider everything you stand to lose and fill your face using a particularly warm memory of your partner.
3. You don’t need to like every quality your partner has. You do have to decide whether you can live with those qualities, says Loren Gelberg-Goff, couples counsel and a longtime marriage. You won’t have the capacity to alter them.
4. If you don’t mean it don’t consent to anything. “Don’t assure to put $100 into a savings account every week in case you don’t intend to do it,” Gelberg-Goff says. “It will only create more anger and animosity.” Put simply, don’t only say “yes” to prevent clash.
5. Decide as a couple how you are going to compromise. I believe should you consistently attempt to locate a middle ground, you are able to get two sad folks ,” says Courtney Horwitz, 35, of Brooklyn, who married 39, Lawrence , nine months ago. “ We’re more like, OK, this is really important to him, so we’ll do it his way, so we’ll, and that is actually important to me do this one my way.”
6. Be sure you actually want to be married. “You are likely to go through many stages with your partner. It’s going to take more work than you ever realized, and it’s not for everyone
7. Stick to the present. Don’t bring up things or old battles that went wrong in the past, says Jason Trachtenburg, a Brooklyn musician. It only creates resentment, and that’s not something you intend to mess around with.”
8. “ You must be ready to find more that’s positive than is negative,” she says.
9. The manner in which you fight is more important than everything you fight over — and the first three minutes of an argument give a good indicator of how healthy your union is, Parker-Pope writes. Couples who start fights with name calling therefore are likely to be unhappy in their marriage than couples who have learned to fight neutrally and or private criticisms are somewhat prone to spiral out of control. Research shows that couples who talk in low, quiet voices, look each other in a person's eye, sit or stand at the exact same amount and use open questions like, “What are the next steps for us?” fare better when things go. The most successful couples also understand how to de-escalate their fights, either by using humor to defuse the tension or asking for a break.
10. Don’t interrupt. For them, he invokes the four-minute rule. “It’s significant to listen respectfully, ” he says. “Let one man speak for four minutes and another listen trade. You may find more tips on hippie marriage online at hippie forums.